Lately we have been thinking a bit about TTC#2. Blah. Ok, we were thinking about this before C even made his grand entrance into the world. I guess when you have been through years of infertility, even going through the pregnancy and having a baby doesn't stop you from thinking about it. A bit like the green eyed monster. Who knew that you could still feel jealous when you hear a pregnancy announcement after you have had your own. You would think that finally having your own would make you immune! But I think it is something that is so deeply ingrained in you that you can't help how you automatically respond to those announcements. Sure, it's not the lightening in the heart and tears type jealousy that it once was, but it's a bit of envy all the same!
So anyway, TTC#2. I'm not even sure whether I want to go there. Do I want to delve back into the world of TTC and the ache it carries with it? I'm of the opinion that once you start down that road it's hard to go back. It's like a craving that grows inside of you until it's all you can think about. I know having C will certainly make the journey a more bearable one and much easier to deal with than the journey to get him, but I can't help but think that emotionally the safer route would be simply to accept and enjoy a life with one child. We don't have the option of another IVF cycle. We have one frostie but that is our last resort. The 3 IVF cycles it took to conceive C were publicly funded so in the end it didn't cost us anything ... except for the hundreds of dollars (scrap that, thousands!) that I invested in vitamin companies and acupuncturists and on little balls of chinese herbs that I took in the handfuls for well over a year. But another cycle would cost us up to (if not over) $13,000. Can I juggle that risk when there are no guaruntees and we already have one child to support? No. We have already decided that it will have to be a natural conception or our one frostie or not at all.
But what makes me think that we can even HAVE a natural pregnancy after 3 long years of trying everything under the sun the first time around? So many people have said to me that 'Your body knows what to do now you've had one baby'. They have said that so many times that I start to believe it. Last month we didn't use any protection one time during ovulation and dare I say it, I was freaking out just a tad. Like I could have one little accident and get pregnant just because I had a baby. Who am I kidding!
So, back to the original question - do I even want to go there?